< Back to all blogs
Why Divorce Sucks
August 26, 2022
No one gets married expecting to get divorced, yet half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. While there are many reasons why marriages fail, divorce always sucks. It’s emotionally devastating, financially ruinous, and it often destroys families. These are only some of the reasons why divorce sucks.
Divorce is so painful because it’s like a death. You mourn the loss of the relationship, you grieve for what could have been, and you try to adjust to a new life without your partner. But unlike death, divorce is usually messy and complicated. On top of that, you have to deal with a number of new emotional, social, and financial burdens all while trying to meet social and work demands. There are many reasons why divorce sucks, but know that you can get through this period.
Why Divorce Sucks: The Financial Burden
When it comes to divorce, there is no such thing as an amicable split. Even if both parties are in agreement that the marriage is over, the process of ending a marriage can be emotionally and financially draining. Consider the following ways in which divorce can take a toll on your finances:
1. Legal fees: The cost of hiring a lawyer to represent you in your divorce proceedings can be astronomically high. If you and your spouse are unable to reach an agreement on the terms of your divorce, you may even end up going to court, which will only add to your legal costs. Many divorced couples have to go to court because of disagreements regarding child custody, child support, and other aspects of your divorce
2. Division of assets: In most divorces, the couple’s assets are divided between them. This can mean selling the family home and dividing up savings and investments. It can also mean that one spouse ends up with more debt than the other.
3. Child support or alimony: If you have children, you will likely have to pay child support and/or alimony to your ex-spouse. These payments can be significant and may take a hit on your finances.
The Emotional Damage
Divorce can be an emotionally devastating experience, filled with sadness, anger, and confusion. It can be difficult to come to terms with the fact that your marriage is over, and you may have a lot of unanswered questions. You may even fall into depression. Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce, it can be a painful process. To lose a partnership is to lose a part of yourself.
Divorce can be incredibly painful and difficult to recover from. There are plenty of reasons why divorce sucks, but ultimately it comes down to this: divorce is the death of a dream. It’s the death of the hope, love, and happiness that you once shared with someone. Moreover, maybe you had lost yourself in your relationship. So, now, you are left with nothing. Now, you have to find yourself and who are you are without your partner.
But this does not mean you will always be in mourning. Seasons change, and so do you. And, trust that there will come a season of love and light and happiness once more. So yes, divorce sucks, but there is life after divorce. You will find happiness again. You simply have to take the first step out of the fog and into the light.
The Impact on Your Children
If you have children and are going through a divorce, then you know how heart-breaking the process is. You know that divorce sucks not only for you and your ex-partner, but also for any children you two may have. When a couple decides to divorce, they are not only ending their own relationship, but also causing ripple effects that will touch the lives of their children. Despite the fact that divorce is now relatively commonplace, it can still be a very traumatic experience for children.
While some kids are able to adapt and bounce back quickly, others may struggle for years. The impact of divorce on children depends on a number of factors, including the child’s age, gender, personality, and how well the parents are able to cooperate. In general, though, children of divorced parents tend to have more behavioral problems and perform worse academically than kids from intact families. They also have a higher risk of developing mental health issues like anxiety and depression. So, while we wonder why divorce sucks so much, we should also make sure we are checking in with our children.
Fortunately, divorcing parents can take a number of steps to ease the transition and help their children cope.
Keep it Stress-Free
First, divorcing parents should try to make the divorce process as easy and as stress-free for their kids as possible. This means that the couple should aim to coparent peacefully. It may not always be easy to co-parent after a divorce, but it is important to try and make it work for the sake of your kids’ mental health. To successfully co-parent, you should communicate with your ex-partner regularly – especially regarding decisions about your children. Otherwise, your children will spend years thinking about why divorce sucks.
Moreover, try not to criticize the other parent in front of your child. Children deserve to have two loving parents. So, despite your feelings regarding the other parent, you should avoid pressuring your child to take sides. Your divorce from your ex-partner is difficult as is for your children to process. Don’t make it harder on them.
Talk with your Kids
Second, try and spend time with your children. This can help them process that the divorce was not their fault, and that you (and your ex-partner) still love them. While you spend time together, listen to your child. It is important that you cultivate a safe environment where they can feel free to express themselves and their emotions. They should also feel free to communicate how the divorce sucks for them.
Develop Coping Strategies Together
Third, help your child develop coping strategies. As previously mentioned, divorce can be emotionally and physically tough on your kids. Even if you reassure them that you love them and that it was not their fault countless times, they may still feel at fault. In these cases, they need to also self-regulate. You can help your child cope by teaching them different strategies like deep breathing exercises. Journaling, talking with friends, and even physical activity may help your child!
Why Divorce Sucks: The Feeling of Failure
No one wants to be the person who got divorced. It feels like a big ‘L’ on your forehead that screams, “I couldn’t make it work.” You feel like everyone around you seems to be whispering, “I told you so.” The social stigma of divorce is real and it’s something that no one ever really prepares you for. People look at you differently when you’re divorced. They judge you, and some may even think less of you. You may even find it hard to date after your divorce because of the stigma.
But, don’t let anyone make you feel like a failure. You did what you thought was best at the time and it didn’t work out. And, you decided is best for you – you chose yourself.
Why Divorce Sucks: You Have to Get Through it
Divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. There are so many reasons why divorce sucks – financially, emotionally, and socially. Above all, though, it is emotionally draining, and it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some tips to help you survive your divorce.
1. Lean on your support system. Whether it’s your friends, family, or therapist, it’s important to have people you can rely on during this tough time. You can even reach out to a life coach.
2. Take care of yourself. This is not the time to neglect your own needs. Make sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly.
3. Give yourself time to grieve. Don’t try to push through the pain too quickly. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up, and give yourself time to heal. Cry, scream – just do whatever you feel like you need to do to process your divorce.
4. Focus on the future. Now is the time you can focus on yourself. Completely. Take time to build up your self-esteem, self-value, and worth. Love yourself. Learn how to be alone and lonely.
5. Prioritize yourself. Don’t try to jump into a new relationship as soon as possible. Instead, take time you find yourself. To create your new reality. Jump into new hobbies and interests.
6. Heal. This looks different for everyone, but consider going to therapy or taking classes on narcissism and the like. Read books and watch videos of other people’s experiences. And, of course, ensure that your environment is a healing one. This means removing the toxic people from your life.
Why Divorce Sucks: Conclusion
In conclusion, divorce is difficult. It is a process that can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. However, it is important to remember that you are not alone in this. There are many resources available to help you through this difficult time. Know that plenty of people before you have survived divorce, and you can and will, too!